If
there is a language that our hearts can understand the most, it is music. Music
speaks the truth that our minds try to conceal, the message that words are
unable to express. For those who are damned and bitter, it is their temporary
refuge or maybe their permanent solace.
And for those whose hearts are rejoicing, it is their sweetest escape.
Whatever our life’s taste, music has always been there to serve the cocktail.
It
was on the fateful month of May 2010, When Kelly Clarkson, American Idol Season
1 winner came here in the Philippines for a concert. At first, when I have seen it announced at the
national television, I was oblivious of the fact that it was a major phenomenon
I was about to witness. I mean I’m not a drop dead fan of Kelly Clarkson but I
admire her songs a lot. My impression was, the lyrics of her songs suggest
agony and sorrow. For example the lyrics of her song, Behind these Hazel Eyes, comes in, “You won't get to see the tears I cry , Behind these hazel eyes”.
Although she sang it with great power, it was very clear that it was a very sad
song. Then my aunt, surprisingly got some complimentary tickets and she decided
to invite me to come with her. As a music lover myself, I appreciated her craft
as an artist. Her song Breakaway was
among of my favorites.
Having
a clear recollection of the memory, it was already dark when we arrived at the
Big Dome. As a first timer, I get agitated at the sight of throng of people who
fall in line at the entrance. Since Kelly Clarkson is an international star, I
was kinda hoping that some shadow of a local artist would surprise me. My eyes
were fixed at the gleaming lights which were strikingly beautiful as if they’re
saying welcome aboard. At the same time, my eyes find their ways to the good
looking guys holding popcorns who endlessly pass by. The smell of popcorns fills
the air making my stomach churn with hunger.
When
we were seated, we bought hotdog sandwiches to make up for the dinner we
haven’t eaten. The Big Dome was indeed spectacular in dimension, that’s why
it’s called “Big Dome” in the first place. Who says that we belong in a third
world country?. A sea of people was little by little beginning to fill the
seats. My Aunt and I were seated at the Upper Box A, just only one box away
from the patron and the stage. I was inwardly thankful because of the better
view unlike those who are seated at the general admission box. And then
something caught my attention, more like someone caught my attention. I see a
guy with an average height with charming eyes holding a MYX microphone just a few paces away from me. The angels in
heavens are rejoicing singing so close
and yet so far because it’s Robi Domingo! I guess propriety was the last
thing on my mind. In the midst of people who are obviously belonging to the
Upper Class of our society, I shouted his name. He looked at my direction, he
waved at me with matching heads and curious stares turning to look at me. I
don’t care, I said to myself, because my night was already pretty damn
beautiful.
Just
at the instant when the lights were dimmed and the theatrical smoke was blasted
like an angry mini volcano, a wave of excitement passed over the audience.
Shouts and shrieks not to mention the laser lights dominated the arena. Kelly
Clarkson finally appeared on the stage, owning the moment like she’s on top of
the world. I guess that’s what it feels like a star, you think you’re above the
earth releasing an eternal radiance. To describe her, she gained a lot of
weight compared to her appearance way back the early 2000’s. But it really
doesn’t matter, her music alone was eargasmic. I can barely remember the first
songs that she sang. There was the song “Breakaway,” which made the audience sang
along with her in their seats. I was unconsciously being carried away by every
beat and rhythm of each song. I don’t know if it was the audience and our
common denominator of being hypnotized or the message of the song itself. I
stood up, just like everybody else in our box and lifted our hands in the air
as we are singing the song. I am glad with darkness because one can hardly read
my facial expression.
Remember all the things we wanted now all our memories, they're haunted
we are always meant to say goodbye. I sang for the dream I just lost, for
me, being trapped in the pit of rejection. I sang to God why he answered “No,”
when I did and sacrificed everything just to get it. I sang for my relatives
who derided my UPCAT result, telling me that I am not good enough. Who think
that they love me enough but I still have to prove something to deserve their
affection.
Even with our fists held high, It never would've worked out right, We
were never meant for do or die. I sang for the world and its deceitful
standards. I sang for my friends who think that they are God’s gift to
sophistication and intelligence. Who think that they are invincible and
superior for the likes of me. And those who think that they the ones who
deserve to walk upon the paths of glory.
I didn't want us to burn out, I
didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop. I sang for myself and my fragile confidence. For my former self
who taught me how to be selfish, that no one in this entire world that could
help me. And that in the end of the day, you are completely on your own.
I want you to know that it
doesn't matter, Where we take this road someone's gotta go ,And I want you to
know you couldn't have loved me better, But I want you to move on so I'm
already gone. I sang for that special
someone in the future who can accept me as I am. Who will not expect that I
needed to be better. The one that will make feel special, who will always be
there at my worst. Maybe we were strangers now, or maybe he’s like me, at his
knees praying to God and waiting for me to come across his path.
Looking at you makes it harder,
But I know that you'll find another, That doesn't always make you want to cry. I sang for my dreams which are still burning in me. The dreams
that will guide me to my purpose, the reasons of my sacrifices and sleepless
nights. The dreams that they say are free when in reality, had to cost
everything for me just to get it.
It was easy to loose yourself like this, when you can sing your
heart out. Music and lyrics can serve as tears sometimes, when the
circumstances forbid you to cry. I feel like something heavy was lifted from
me. I sat on the bus with my Aunt brooding over the memories that flashed on my
head. Anxious about my uneasiness, my Aunt asked me if I’m alright. I said I
was just tired but I’m happy. I turned to look at the traffic lights and wished
what I said was true.
*By Ramilyn Laysa, a junior Mass Communication student.
