I Wrote A Little Something Here

enchant me.

You're this warm gentle soul
flaws and all
who managed to climb
No, break
my great big wall

How did you?
How could you?

You see through
and all the things I want to be
all that I can never be
all that I used to be
and all that I can be

Perhaps fate, perhaps love
Could be destiny or all of the above

But the hand of the universe
ever so playful
that this I feel
should be carried in humble silence
for the stars
and all the heavenly bodies agree
there can never be you and me

Hi. I was in a writing mood awhile ago so I hurriedly put it to good use since it comes rarely nowadays. Sadly it didn't last that long. Just after a cup of coffee and a few sticks of cigarette, the blank paper in front of me remained blank. I was able to write the poem above though, but I was hoping for more. Hell.

How have you been folks? Did you miss me? 

I can't promise anything but I sure am glad to be back here and blogging, though it may take a few days for another blog post to be posted. 

I'm fine if you wanna ask. I left Manila last December to live in Cebu for good. So here I am blogging my fat lazy ass in Bantayan Island, and boy! I am loving it!

Those are just some of the photos I took while going around. Anyway have good day guys. Smile!


Ask Napoles For a Title, We Have the Same Answer

The first game console I received was a Family Computer, way back... so back actually that I could hardly remember the actual year. Anyways, I wasn't able to make it work back then because of a missing adaptor or whatever, and since it came all the from Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, whatever is missing will take ages to arrive. I was disheartened, though it was a time when kids prefer actual social games where you interact with real human beings, so in just a few hours, I forgot about it. 
After sometime (I still can't remember how long) my Mom sent another console, this time, the then uber popular Playstation. I was very, very excited. I think I was around Grade 4 then. The game that came with it was a Jackie Chan sorta game. Because I was young, I was limited to an hour of gaming everyday. Since then, I have touched a lot of gaming consoles and played a lot of games. 

But what struck me the most of all the games I played (besides Pokemon. Pokemon is on the pedestal of all the games) was Legend of Legaia and Legend of the Dragoons. I first played both when I was in 5th Grade and boy! Was it addicted of what? It was actually my cousin who bought the CD and we both started playing. It was my first time to actually play an RPG  and I was very hooked to the point that my Aunt has to keep the Playstation in her room, which I sneak into whenever I am left alone at home. Sad thing though, my PS broke down even before finishing the game.

But thank God (and CERN)  for the Internet! I can now play PS1 games by just downloading an emulator! Guess what my first game is? Kinda obvious....
4 Disc adventure! 
Should receive an award from Greenpeace. 
I don't know what's with these two games. Its not as famous as the Final Fantasy series which I have played as well, but these two, they have something in them that makes me want to play all over again. Certainly not the graphics, that's for sure. Nostalgic, yes. Makes me want to go back in my childhood days. Anyway, I have been playing for the past days that I wasn't blogging. I stopped because of Super Typhoon Yolanda and Janet Lim Napoles which is another topics worth blogging.

Before I end this, let us all pray for Visayas, especially Bohol and Cebu. A super typhoon after an earthquake! What's with Visayas? Keep safe folks! Pray before we sleep!


Midnight Murders || The Lipstick Killer

"For heavens
sake catch me
before I kill more
I cannot control myself"

The quote above didn't come from a book, nor from a song lyrics. It was taken at a murder scene of Frances Brown, a 33 year old woman who was stabbed and shot to the head. The message was written on one of the apartment's mirrors using the victim's very own lipstick. Since then, the serial killer who took the lives of three people was named the "Lipstick Killer"


The first victim of the so called Lipstick Killer was Josephine Ross, who was stabbed, throat slit. The murder, that will soon be followed by two more, happened on June 4, 1945. Everyone thought its was an ordinary murder but the death of Brown happened afterwards. The autopsy revealed that both victim were killed the same way, the police knew then that this is no ordinary murders. What caught everyone's attention though is not how the victims were killed, but the message that was found. Police thought it was more of a plea as well as a sign that there are victims coming up.

But what brought the Lipstick Killer to the limelight was the murder of a 6 year old, Suzanne Degnan. The victim was abducted from their home and was taken to a nearby basement laundry room where she was strangled to death and dismembered.  Before the death of Suzanne Degnan, her parents received a ransom note asking for $20,000. The poor girl's body was then thrown into the sewer and took weeks because it was all found.

The "Killer"

The murder of three people made the public frantic, the police even more. Pressured, the police was trying so hard to find the said killer, when they caught William Heirens. 

Heirens was caught trying to burglarized an apartment. After his arrest, he was allegedly tortured and starved. He was also denied of being represented, and was even administered with 'truth drug'. His apartment was also searched even without a warrant, but there were no evidences found incriminating him. The police then announced that Heirens has an alternate personality named George Murman, who confessed of killing Ross, Brown and Degnan. 

With a little to no evidence, Heirens was put on a trial, but the public has already labeled him as a murderer. On August 7, Heirens confessed to all the Lipstick Killer murders.

Some say the Heirens was innocent. Some say the Heirens read the information about the Lipstick Killer on the newpaper, before he confessed. While in prison, he was a model inmate and was the first prisoner to acquire a BA degree in the state of Illinois.

William Heirens was found dead on his cell last March 5, 2012.


If I Die Young

Who would have thought forever could be severed by
the sharp knife of a short life, oh well?I've had just enough time

There are times that death seems like a good idea. With all the things going around with me and around me, it feels like death is a sweet escape. The way I see it, death is my salvation. I am eaten by my own thoughts, and I am feeding them with my wild imaginings. Don't get me wrong, I love life. I love how I am able to do things. I love a lot of things, though sometimes they don't love me back. But its fucking hard doing it. It's hard surviving life and its even harder to try and do it with so much happiness. They say life is God's gift, but you know what I think, life is God's ultimate trial and death is our greatest reward.

And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

The hardest part is figuring out who is worth spending life with. Is it really that hard to find genuine people nowadays? I guess. There are who will just drain the life out of you then leave you behind eventually. There are those who can only give words but will not justify it with actions. There are those who make false promises. There are those whose sole purpose is to criticize every muscle you will move. There are those will hurt you. There are those who wouldn't give a fuck at all. I've seen it all, been with them all. In hindsight, they make life even more colorful, though I'd rather have mine in black and white. I'd rather have one person who will actually be there for me no matter what that being surrounded by people who will only make me feel alone. 
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

I'd like to say I wouldn't give up on life. That I still see something worth fighting for. But everyday I am losing hope, everyday a die a little. Everyday is a battle to be happy, to live and not just exist and we all know that every battle will leave us wounded. I am not asking for the meaning of life, I just want something to make my life meaningful. I think its stupid that we are so afraid of dying, I am. Then I thought, we are all born to die, but its the journey, not the destination. 


Troubled Letters||Of Friendships

My name is irrelevant, you wouldn't know who I am. Even if I give you my name, I don't think that's gonna help with what I am feeling right now.

But for formality's sake, call me Ran, 18 and lonely.

I don't know why. I was looking for some words of encouragement to lift up my sullen spirit when I found your blog. Next thing I knew, I am reading your post, poems, stories and rants. Though some of them sounds too suicidal, and did little to provide the encouragement I was looking for, I kind of liked it. I don't know if you will even post my email here, nor would you care to answer it. I really don't care. I just want to get it all out, hoping that it would make a difference. 

I have a lot of friends Gene, and I would like to think that I am likable. I have friends from all walks of life. Yet, with all their numbers, I still feel so alone. 

There those who promised to be there, always. That we would be at my side whenever I need. Friends who are fun to be with. Yet, days, weeks and months passes by without a single hi or hello. The irony of it all is that we are surrounded by these so called social networking sites. It makes me question whether they are really 'social'. 

I'm a good friend Gene, I am always one text away. Sure, there are circumstances that I might decline, or I can't. But most of the time, I am there. There are those who will say they miss me, that we should hang out again sometimes. But they wont even contact me!

There are those whose only fun when you treat them, and will not even acknowledge your existence when there's no money to spend. 

I badly need some company. But I don't want to be a bother. I want them to be with me because they want to, not because they pity me. I want them to be with me because they want to, not because they have to. 

I love my friends Gene, so much. I consider them family. But sad to say, I can't feel them loving me back. I just don't feel like they are willing to give as much as I can. And its sad.

That's all of it I guess. I don't wanna bother you too much, but thanks regardless if you answer me or not. I hope you won't experience the same thing Gene, because it really is lonely.


Hi Ran!

I don't know what you had for lunch that made you email me, but thank you for doing it. I don't know if I am the right person to ask for an advice since I am not really emotionally, mentally and psychologically stable myself, but i'll try.

I guess it's normal that you feel that way. I have experienced (I still do actually) that as well. I have lost a lot of friends and I regret it every time I do. 

The thing about me is that I enjoy company as much as I enjoy being alone. But in all honesty, nothing feels better than having someone to talk to. 

From what I read it, I think you need to reach out more. I know that you wouldn't want to be a bother, I mean who wants to be? But if they really consider you as a friend, they wouldn't even think of it that much. Whether they want to or they feel that they have to, what matters is that they were there. And please, don't question their motives with why they like to be with you. I've been there and trust me, it will consume you. Of course, be mindful of leechers and users as they are everywhere, and they are actually good at what they do. I'm sure you can spot them if you would be very vigilant. 

Last thing, learn to live on  your own. I mean, don't depend on people too much, especially when it comes to your happiness. It might seem harsh, but no friend would be willing enough to sacrifice their own happiness for yours. No one can be that selfless. Sure, there may be a few, but as much as possible be independent enough. 

I hope I was able to help you Ran. I have summoned all the wisdom I could to come up with a reply. My diagnosis and prescriptions are not backed up by any scientific study, just my 21 years of existence. 

Have a good day Ran, and remember, it will get better. It always do.

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